Good News, America!

Our Next President – Miss Lindsey Graham


Sen. Lindsey Graham, hands-down the most popular and best loved politician in America, bestowed upon the beleaguered nation a glittering ray of hope this morning by making it known that he is considering a run for the presidency in 2016. In an interview with the Weekly Standard, Graham said that the host of foreign policy challenges facing the country are so very serious that they demand the sort of calm and steady leadership that only he can provide. “If I get through my general election, if nobody steps up in the presidential mix, if nobody’s out there talking ​— ​me and McCain have been talking​ — ​I may just jump in to get to make these arguments,” Graham said.

“These arguments” are, of course, the Lindsey Graham foreign policy platform that Americans have come to respect — even love — over the past decade. Arguments like: invade Iraq because Saddam Hussein has WMDs; invade Iraq again to fight terrorists; send U.S. forces to fight in Syria; the president can secretly order the killing of American citizens; deny terrorism suspects their rights as American citizens because “the homeland is the battlefield;” and (my personal favorite) “free speech is a great idea, but we’re in a war.” This is the platform of a serious, serious man who is very serious.

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Categories: Item of the Week

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