Crime, U.S.A.

Mugshots

 We all know crime is out of control in our country. Any day, any time, hoards of rioters, home invaders, drug addicts, purse snatchers, bank robbers, rapists, killers, child molesters, climate change believers, car thieves, forgers, gang-bangers, scammers, drunks, crazy people, the United Nations, catholic priests, IRS agents, or President Obama could come to steal our liberties, and indeed, may threaten our very existence. That’s why we all need to be packing heat! The mugshots below serve as illustration…

Cartoon Mugshots

Cartoon characters may seem zany and carefree, but, like us, they have deep, dark secrets. And you don’t always have to look too closely to see them. In fact, there are plenty of animated characters who’ve had brushes with the law. Here are some mug shots we were able to dig up. Let’s hope these guys can somehow pick up the pieces and get their (animated) lives back on track. (Photoshops by Kristy Puchko)

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After years of trying to decide between Betty and Veronica, this good guy from Riverdale High married both in separate ceremonies. Reggie ratted him out, naturally.

Kristy Puchko

His blind obsession to bringing down the Roadrunner ultimately led to his demise. You simply cannot lug around that much Acme brand dynamite before the FBI starts tracking your every move.

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Yes, he can go to infinity and beyond, but he never told NASA or the FAA and that’s a big no-no. Next time, make sure to tell the proper authorities what you’re doing. If Delta can’t do it, neither can Buzz.

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It’s just amazing it took this long to catch him.

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As it turns out, he’s not really a captain of anything. His devotion to overly-sugared cereals precluded him from informing consumers that he has no naval experience of any kind. Desperate to prove he was an authority figure of any sort, he promoted himself to Cap’n, which surely sounds like he has more pull than, say, Lieuten’t Crunch.

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This sailor man’s unnatural muscle is not due to spinach. Seriously, you can’t get this buff without having some medicinal help and it was only a matter of time before Popeye was busted for lying under oath to a Congressional committee about his decades of steroid use.

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Like Wile E. Coyote, Elmer’s obsession with killing Bugs Bunny directly led to his arrest. That and the fact this guy doesn’t seem like he should be allowed to carry a squirt gun, let alone a rifle.

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Kool Aid Man’s habit of excitedly smashing through walls while announcing “Oh, yeah!,” without ever once thinking about using the front door has traumatized many a child over the years. Not to mention the millions he owes in property damages.

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Albert was caught taking food home from an all-you-can-eat buffet. He must’ve missed the Green Hornet’s lesson about the concept of not taking something without permission.

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His outfit is ridiculous. You can’t be that big and wear a loin cloth all the time. It’s just not right. Go to a big and tall store, buddy.

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After telling one too many bad jokes, cops discovered that Fozzie has, in fact, been stealing material for years.

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It’s simply too dangerous for Fred to tool around if he has to stop his vehicle with his feet. The cops had to do something. The public should be grateful, as should Fred, since he can finally stop making weekly visits to the podiatrist.

(Photoshops by Kristy Puchko)

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